The Thoughtful Sensei-Aikido Musings

Maria Did It, Go Talk To Her

Observing junior players train for a promotional demo, especially if it's their first, is an interesting blend of excitement mixed with trepidation and budding confidence combined with hesitation and internal doubt.  During one recent class I watched the players review the night's lesson of material that was targeted at upcoming demos.  While walking around the mat assisting, commenting and correcting I was reminded of something more easily told by a set of true events that I was involved in over 25 years ago.

Once upon a time in a dark and foreboding .... oh sorry .... been watching too much tv lately ..... many years ago when I was a senior Yudansha at my old dojo I spent a lot of time working with beginners for Sensei.  One newbie was a woman named Maria (can't remember the last name which is good for her privacy .... plus her first name wasn't even Maria to begin with).  In speaking with Maria over the weeks and months she was training she gradually rose from white belt, to yellow belt, Sensei and I eventually learned some things about her.

As she attended classes and began to feel more at home she gradually opened up about some of her personal issues without being asked to.  My (and Sensei' assumption) was that much in her personal life outside the dojo was troubling her, and aside from her looking for self-defense she was also seeking out a social support group.  The fact that she had come to the dojo and had found both in the same place just made it easier and more comfortable for her.

Basically she had apparently grown up as a battered child and lacked any basic self-confidence or belief in herself which had led her to an unhappy marriage to a man who simply repeated the pattern that she was conditioned to.  Life went on as usual for her.

Somehow, someway, she finally had the courage to look for self-defense lessons.  To this day I don't know if her husband had finally broke her back with that last straw for the camel to carry, or if a girl friend or blood-family member or minister had encouraged to take some kind of action but somehow she found her way to the dojo; almost stumbled in actually as if even the act of walking onto the property was an issue for her.

It was immediately apparent to us all that she had no self-confidence as she even had difficulty in just simply putting her hand in a man's face to do Shoman-ate and to push him away from her; her conditioning from childhood to the present being that strong and that subliminally powerful.

Sensei was big on encouragement for new students and I was too; because I was taught that aspect of teaching and working with people by my father and grandfather.  In coming months I spent a lot of time simply working her thru the issues of release motions, basic ideas behind having good posture, putting a hand in the attacker's face to get separation, and then eventually working up to throwing them.

Finally after what seemed an eternity, she began to understand the idea of being "pro-active" and of aggressively seeking to be more forward in her actions and taking the initiative in entering and breaking the attacker's off-balance and controlling their posture and throwing them down.  She also began to understand the importance of being relaxed and calm while becoming more posturally confident (the traditional "stand up straight", "good posture", "look him in the face and don't look down") and pro-active while doing so in the "safe" context of kata and kihon practice and not "thinking" or "acting" mad and aggressive.

We were essentially re-programming her to just accept movement and kuzushi and hand in the face and throwing as "just another walk in the park", and as something so natural that it happened everyday.  This is one of the critically important functions of kata; allowing the student to program into the mind (and to viscerally understand) motion, posture, timing, how to be aggressive, how to react and how to deal with vigorous attacks, all within the safe and controlled context and environment provided by clearly defined kata ........... all of which taken together is the gateway to truly spontaneous randori and self-defense.

At no time, other than in casual conversation on the mat, did we tell her that she had to be a Navy SEAL or a street fighter.  We simply encouraged her to come to class (a lot) and just do the work and that eventually her subconscious mind would understand the art form (Aikido) and the concepts of self-defense and that she would just "Do It" when the time came.

Navy Seals and street fighter are naturals.  They already know how to "run towards the sound of gunfire".  People who are not naturals tend to flinch and pull back slightly from a vigorous attack.  It's when you pull back (in some circumstances) that the attacker takes you because your retreat provides him the opening and because you're physically trying to move "away" from him your mind is also retreating (which means that you cannot react to his attack).  Sometimes it's necessary to run towards the gunfire and take the initiative; and kata provides an environment and a tool to teach that.

Well, one day Maria understood.  She was walking in one of the largest shopping malls in Houston when a purse snatcher ran up behind her and grabbed her purse.  Since the strap was around her arm she was whipped around and actually pulled towards the thief as he tried to run off with her purse.  As she turned she automatically grabbed his arm and he ended up face-planted in the floor with her holding an armbar.  According to her account (I loved this part) she told him to give her the purse back.  He refused.  She told him a second time to give her the purse back and added, "Or I'll break your elbow!"  He gave her the purse back and ran off after she let him up and after seeing that other people had begun coming over to help.

She enjoyed telling the story at the dojo the next day.

Then, not too long after that the kicker occurred.  Her husband, who apparently liked getting physical with her, refused to give her the car keys when she had just had enough and wanted to move out.  Somehow during the tussle with him over the car keys she got that one good and perfect Shoman-ate in and as she told it, threw him across the room.  After he hit the wall and slid down it he gave the keys to her.

She enjoyed telling that story at the dojo too.

She quit training at the dojo not long after that and when I told her that she had bright future in Aikido and asked why she was stopping training her comment was, "I accomplished what I set out to do."  I understood.

It is my belief that she was looking for an out from her existence and her past upbringing, and that Aikido gave her the self-confidence to see the out and to take it.  She possibly never really wanted to become a life-time player; she just wanted the encouragement and the support to show her that she could do it.  She was looking for that opportunity in her life and after she found it, she was ready to move on.

When we train, some of us already have that spark of aggression.  I came to Aikido having already competed in Tae Kwon Do and Judo but many/most don't.  The training when taken over time, provides a vehicle by which the common, ordinary citizen who has never really been aggressive or physically pro-active, can become more than what they were.

What's that saying, "If you want something you've never had you must do something that you've never done before."

Come to class grasshopper.  Just come to class and do 1,000 repetitions .... and then another 1,000 .... and another .....

Over time, you WILL get there.  You just have to come to class and make the effort.  If Maria could do it, then so can you.

L.F. Wilkinson Sensei

Aikibudo Kancho, Aikibudokan, Houston, TX

May 2012

But Mommy, It's My Turn To Win!

To continue my New Year's thematic ........ the truth is truly extreme.

How many times have you heard the phrase, "As a martial artist you must learn to transcend victory and defeat"?

Wow.  If I heard that once from Sensei I heard it a thousand times ... maybe 10,000.  Problem is .... it's largely a lie ... or a falsehood ... or too optimistic and unrealistic  ..... depending on how critical you feel like being today.  It just sounds all "zen-ny" and "new-agey" and "aikido-esque"; sorta like saying, "When you can snatch the church key from my hand you are ready for happy hour."  ...... 

Humans didn't survive the last million years or so of evolution as we shed our hair, lost our tails and climbed down out of the trees and started walking upright and learned how to talk and use tools by not being competitive survivors.  We survived because bottom line; we are highly competitive creatures who got here by competing with nature, with animals, with the weather and with each other.  It's only the fact that we developed abstract and critical thought processes that we haven't killed off the planet or made ourselves extinct ..... yet.

Not competitive you say?  Bwahaha .. don't make me laugh and call you  a liar to your face.

Standing in line at a great restaurant that won't take reservations, waited for 2 hours and the next person called for a table ahead of you got there AFTER you did.  Roll-over or immediately ask the host WTF?

Studying hard in school, took the tests, scored the same perfect 100%, straight A+ scores as one other person but told THEY are going to be the Valedictorian and you're not?  WHAT?

Working that dream job for the big corporation that has one slot open for promotion and a 20% raise in pay.  You have seniority and you've been doing that job anyway for the last 90 days as a stand-in until management decided who to promote ..... and the guy who sits in the cube next to you with half your experience and half your time on the job gets the nood.  And you're happy about that?

How many examples do you want of just how competitive all of us really are?

You want to win just like I do.  The problem is that an overly strong desire to win is largely out of place on the mat when training, especially when doing randori of any kind.  It leads to inappropriate behavior, injuries, hurt feelings, belligerent attitudes and anger.  So this is where Sensei says, "You must learn to transcend victory and defeat"  ...... (must be said in deep booming voice with echos in background like a mystic living in a cave)  ...... you know ...... one bowl, one robe, one koan ..... oh and throw in some mist slithering along the ground like in an old B&W werewolf movie.

So what do we do about our competitiveness?  Well, my solution was one I could never voice to my Sensei as I don't think he'd really understand nor appreciate.  I want to win all the time but ... I equally want to lose all the time.

If I want to win then I'll do my best.  If I want to lose all the time the it's likely that I'll not do my best or, will hold back so that Sensei is not critical.  So the rub here is that if I have the wrong view of "transcending" then if I win I may start feeling guilty about being better at randori/kata so I'll hold back and do badly so that everyone likes me and I follow Sensei' directions.  Now I'll never do my best and never improve.  Judo gets past this with no competition in class but with shiai at tournaments.  Aikido, being a non-competitive martial art (tanto shiai be damned) has no such outlet so randori in class can become an issue.

In Aikido randori (the toshu, tanto kind with no tournament or competitive aspect of that kind involved) I strive for a balance.  I want to win as much as I want to lose.  I want to lose as much as I want to win. 

If I can keep it at 50-50 then both benefit me.  I have the satisfaction in randori of "winning" (more properly translated as "doing the best I can even if the other guy is less able than I am and can neer catch me.")  But if I lose then I have a very positive attitude about that because I can take that experience and improve myself.  It becomes a "win-win" even when I lose and my training partner who just took kote-0gaeshi on me 37 times in a row is teaching me and showing me where my weaknesses are so that my subconscious mind can begin to make those little corrections in my footwork and timing and posture that will, in the long run, make me a much better Aikido player.  If this is the case and my attitude, then how can "losing" to him be a bad or a negative thing?

So now "winning" or dominating the other person in randori teaches me how to be technically best and most effective against a lesser "opponent/uke/player" ...... while losing to that other person shows me my weaknesses so that I can correct and improve upon them.  Both "winning" and "losing" then become positives and I can positively direct and focus my competitive side while not feeling badly or fretting over my "I lost" side.

It is certainly true that in a dojo there will always be those naturals who have spent the time to become better and that in a heads-up randori scenario they will most always come out on top.  However, as long as everyone acknowledges that "winning" is not that "bad thing" that we're told it is and as long as the better players always take the time to assist and teach the lesser players how to improve and grow and become that "better" player, then a positive atmosphere is developed and maintained in which "winning" in randori is not a negative and "losing" in randori is simply nothing more than a challenge to oneself to work to learn to do better and is always, always a positive learning experience for all involved.

Randori is a critical part of training and of learning.  "Winning' therefore is not something to be avoided and "losing" also is not something to be dreaded.  The two are nothing more than two sides of the same coin and each should be valued for its appropriate place in the Aikido paradigm.  One cannot exist without the other and both can, and should be, made positive learning tools for the true Bushi/Aikido player.

 

L.F. Wilkinson Sensei, Aikibudo Kancho

Aikibudokan, Houston, TX

January 2012

I Know All There Is to Know

As I posted last time; the truth really is extreme and as humans, we tend to avoid it as long as it doesn't catch up to us.

Fred (it could be an Ethel, I just like the name Fred as it sounds a little "non-serious")  is an Aikido player and has spent years on the mat before finally reaching that pinnacle of achievement ........... senior black belt-hood.  Actually, his rank isn't all that high but within his dojo he has become one of the seni0rs on the mat.  He is so highly ranked that when invited to learn new and stratospheric kata that he shows a slight ... shall we say ... demure hesitation. 

Demure?  Of course since he doesn't want Sensei to think him "uncommitted".

Hesitance?  That's the reaction you get when you ask him to do some extra work on that new and more difficult material.  It's subliminal and difficult to detect but there none-the-less.

So, what's that all about?

Humans in the dojo sometimes have the tendency to make a senior rank and then they begin to enjoy the position that comes with it including the authority granted them by Sensei, the admiration and respect of the junior players and in some extreme cases ... the hero worship from impressionable beginners who have no MA exposure and no seasoning.  In my last dojo I observed this behavior as it led to senior players beginning to farm the mat for sex from juniors (pretty detestable in IMO as people come to learn and not be subjected to "Happy Hour Behavior" and "Ladies Drink Free" nights.

This new position can be seductive especially if this new senior ranked player has never experienced it before.  Ah-HA you say; but what if he is a bank president or head of his corporate division or rich? He's already been worshipped there ... why the dojo?

No matter if all of those are the case outside the dojo.  Inside the dojo is different.  On the mat it carries hints and inferences of "Yoda-hood" and "Jedi Knight-ism" and is therefore somewhat "Magical" and "Ninja-like".  It has a whole "other-worldly-ness" to it and therefore has nothing to do with life in the corporate world.

The seduction can, in some instances, cause the player to stop trying to learn new material, stop doing difficult things such as highly advanced or complex kata, can inhibit his desire to do the impossible such as becoming a truly competent randori expert.  After all; he's already gotten to where he is and to begin the hard study-path again is to take on new challenges that he may not be up to and is to also imply that he really doesn't know as much as he thinks he does.  He begins to engage in a bit of "denial".

Engage Internal Dialogue .............. "I'm good enough at randori now.  Heck.  I can already man/woman handle everyone in the dojo except Sensei and maybe one or two others.  I already can do all the basic kata better than everyone else.  I'm already Sensei' uke a lot of the time.  I'm tired and I'm going home and taking every Saturday off.  I really don't want to get to class early to do extra training and I have a cold beer waiting at the house so why stay after class?" ............ Dis-engage Internal Dialogue

It's easy to get lazy and enjoy the adulation of being the BMOM (Big Man On the Mat) aka BDOT (Big Deshi On the Tatami). 

It's easy to not do the hard work of hour after hour after hour of tough and tiring practice once you (he) becomes relatively competent (as compared to others of the same rank) or extremely superior (in ability) as compared to others of lesser rank. 

It's easy to begin to coast and once you start to coast it is admittedly difficult to get ginned back up and start that trek up the mountain again.

It's easy to rationalize it when you look in the mirror and say to yourself, "I'm good enough already for now.  I'll think about doing more hard work next year.  After all, I really don't feel good about it when I'm doing kata and Sensei comes over and starts correcting me.  It makes me look dumb in front of the White Belts and I makes me feel bad because after all ..... my fundoichi doesn't stink and besides, how much more can Sensei tell me that I don't already know or can't discover on my own."

Think Fred knows he's saying this to himself?  Likely not.  That's how deceptive self-deception can be.  It's subliminal and so internalized that without knowing it we can run this thru' our heads everyday and never really be aware of it.  (Go study Transactional Analysis sometime if you really want to understand the concepts behind internal tapes.)

It's all too easy to lose sight of the path, lose sight of the big picture, lose sight of the possibilities, lose sight of what you intended to become when you started.

As you rise up in rank your horizons should be placed further out, not close in.  You should understand how much more there is to learn, not become satisfied with how little you actually know.

Reaching your current "high rank" is supposed to open your eyes and cause you to look up at a horizon that may not be totally clear   ......... not hood your eyes and cause you to lower your gaze because what you can see is both clear and focused.

So get refocused and re-discover what matters on the mat ............. or quit.

Aikido players and Bushi always move forward. 

They don't stand still because it's the easy path.

Even if you are physically past the ability to take 1,000 ukemi you can still move thru' new waza without force or falls, you can still learn light randori, write treatise on Aiki, be productive.

But standing in place  without forward movement or acting hesitant (as if you have a prior appointment) when Sensei says "Time to work" is not acceptable and is ........... not the "Way".

L.F. Wilkinson Sensei

Aikibudo Kancho

Aikibudokan, Houston, TX

December 28, 2011

A Loud Shirt with Flowers, A Camera and a Look of Astonishment

If I were Ed MacMahon and Johnny Carson were still alive I'd be standing off to one side repeating that phrase while I chortled (I like that word "chortle", has ring to it) while Johnny wore his turban and opened the envelope to say .......... "What do Hawaiian tourists, dojo tourists and gym tourists all have in common?"

I was at the gym this morning having fully commited to getting back into shape afer the last 2 to 3 years of being inconsistent; remembering that I've had years prior in living at the gym and having a BMI way above what is supposed to be normal for a 5 foot 8 guy (I have little to no body fat and my chest measurement is 15 inches more than my waist ......... try buying a suit sometime).

I've lived in weight rooms, gyms, dojos and athletic field houses since the 4th grade and by spending my whole life working out I've been described as a fire plug who looks 10 years younger than my calendar age.  This works out pretty well but the downside is that as each decade passes I have to stay more focused and more consistent since staying in shape is more difficult now than when I was 20 or 30.  Not a biggie as the results are well worth the effort. 

I'm not the only one at the doj' who benefits from this as I have a Yudansha who is 70, looks and acts like he's still in his late 50's and who, based on his stories, walks into board meetings with guys younger than he who can barely lift their coffee cup, much less walk onto a mat and take a few hard breakfalls while teaching waza to someone who is literally in high school and 50 years his junior.  His co-executives look at him like he walks on water.

The long and the short is that for he and I and others like us, staying is shape takes focus, discipline, commitment and all three of those take a lifetime to understand, develop and to stay with.  Yes .... I've had periods when I was down or too busy at work or a little sick or consumed with personal or job issues but ........... I've always, always, always gotten back to the gym and to the dojo and now at age 60 can still run circles around guys less than half my age (don't tell anyone but I do need some additional aerobics work to get fully back up to speed so I'm revised my workout sheets today for my 4 day split).

What sets me, Mr. G, and all the others like us at my dojo and at your dojo is that we go to class or the gym and we wear pretty simple clothing, stay focused and don't take our cell phones or cameras with us.

This morning, for example, I remembered just why I intensely dislike January and February of each year and have for as long as I can remember.  I have my sheets for my 4 day split routine of anerobic and aerobic exercises, I'm puttering along feeling pretty good and starting to get back to lifting heavy again having just found a new, really good NO2 booster that's chock full'o BCAA's and I look up and find two bimbo's I've never seen before with their cute exercise books and technicolor uniforms and their cell phones and their hats (on backwards of course). 

They have between them every free weight dumb-bell off the racks ranging from 5 to 25 pounds and in between and they're guarding them lest someone ask for one to use since they weren't (I'm honestly not exagerating here people, not one iota) making biceps at each other and taking their cell phones and photo'ing each others tatoo's and muscles they're going, "Ooo, I like that one.  Have you done your arms yet?  I'm done with my arms and moving on to my butt next.  OH that's a cute pink outfit you have.   Where did you buy it?"

I said nothing but mentally I palmed my face and thought to myself, "Oh God, please let the New Year Resolution crowd go home and quit using up oxygen."  These two young women appeared more interested in trolling for trouser trout than in working out.  The only saving grace is that they'll be gone from the gym likely by mid-March or so because it's too difficult and other things are more fun at 7 AM.

This was the gym but also I've seen it (the tourist phenomena) in dojo's my entire MA career.  Folks who come in with good intent but essentially fall off the weight bench (or tatami) and who, unable to develop the focus and personal commitment, eventually quit and go home.  It's too bad actually because so many dojo or gym tourists could greatly benefit and would do well with enough focus and c0mmitment.

I consider myself really, truly fortunate to NOT have any people like this in my dojo and to have a great group of dedicated players, both male and female and ranging from high school students to guys older than me.  They're all commited and they're all focused and none of them are tourists, none are wearing loud Hawaiian shirts and they all left their camera's at home.

Only, ONLY by commitment, focus, dedication, personal discipline and only by doing all of those consistently over our entire lives can we move forward and develop those skills that others do not have.  Only by consistency can we progress and learn.

Leave the Hawaiian flower shirt at home along with the camera.

L.F. Wilkinson Sensei

Aikibudo Kancho

Aikibudokan, Houston, TX

February 2011

 

Aikido Seasoning

Hmmm....a little salt, some garlic, maybe some gumbo file.....oops you caught me in the middle of thinking about the Cajun Holy Trinity (of cajun cooking and gumbo..a little onion, a little celery,. a little.....).

Aikido seasoning is a topic that I'll consider trying to expand over a post or two since it's a little easier on me (and you) to NOT have a single post that takes 4 days to read.

For the record it should be obvious that I'm not talking about seasoning food but rather, the seasoning or maturity or depth of true understanding that we derive from just simply being on the mat for years and making a ton of mistakes and doing good and bad, right and wrong, precise and imprecise in all facets of Aikido practice.  This includes what we say and do, how we train, how we treat our ukes and juniors and seniors. 

Seasoning in Aikido is the same as seasoning in life and with enough of the right kind we end up old and gray and people consider us to be old and wise, instead of old and dumb (or silly).

As a kid, I was always in a hurry to grow up.  I wanted to get out of knickers and into long pants.  I wanted to cross the street and go to the store by myself without mommy holding my hand.  I wanted to drink alcohol and drive a car NOW and not years from now.  I was really impatient and as a result I'm now 58 years old and many, many, many times regret (severely and sincerely regret) that I was so impatient that I missed many of the lessons the old geezers around me tried to teach me but that I missed because of my "ants-in-my-pants" impatience.

Today I was sitting at my desk and was just surfing the web since today is one of those days when I have so much to do and I'm so far behind that instead of feeling energy about the job and the opportunity to make more money I just feel the weight of the grind (I need to win the lotto since I bet I'd be really good at being retired.....  ;-) .......).

I'm surfing so much I start to reach for my can of Dr. Zog's Sex Wax for my board and I stumble across a blog with my name as one of the topics.  This of course catches my attention since not all of the comments were complementary (not really bad either for that matter so I'm not complaining, I just found the discussion interesting since it's not often you get to see what others think).  Interspersed throughout the blog were various comments on my method of teaching and of running the dojo.  So being the curious guy that I am, I tracked down all the threads and found out who it was and once I made the discovery, I had a flashback like a 1968 hippie on LSD who's been hanging out at Barton Springs too long and had a big "Like WOW MAN.......far out....like deja vue!"

I suddenly channeled my old Sensei and had a brief moment of fully and completely understanding his viewpoint and for that momentary flash of satori no longer thought that he was some insane samurai plopped down in Texas 200 years out of time and 5,000 miles out of place.

He once said, "It's too bad that so-and-so left the dojo because he'll likely never understand.  He left before it was time to leave.  He's too impatient and the cakes not baked."  So I course had to ask why and after about 3 hours of conversation on a work night and sitting in the dojo until after 12 midnight I was starting to ask myself why I had to ask why; until I remembered that I had to be patient and not have those teenage ants-in-my-pants any more.  I had to sit through the lesson in order to learn the lesson, as-it-were.

So Sensei talked about learning and how difficult it is to fully understand the larger picture with only limited information and how common it is in the martial arts and in Aikido for a student to think that Sensei is withholding data or not teaching correctly or that Sensei just doesn't know the information and then leaves for "greener pastures" with a better Sensei.  In order to get this into the blog so that it makes some direct sense I'll do some "paraphrase-ing" and "example-ing" for this and the following posts.

In this blog I ran across, the writer complained that one of my senior teachers had tried to teach him tenchi-nage but had left out the part about the breath.  The undertones of his comments was that my senior student (and by extension me) didn't know about kokyu.  His blog was about kokyu-nage and the application of breath during the throw and he had a long list of the waza in our ryu of what throws did and did not utilize kokyu even though he understands the waza he listed little since he had essentially just learned them and had not gone through the forging process so many Aikido Sensei talk about.

He now trains at a different dojo and was commenting that "they" showed him what we couldn't.  Well, at first I was thinking what in the world is this guy talking about and then the deja vue struck me wtih its' import.

He left our dojo as a brand new Shodan who, after being promoted, promptly proceeded to go on hiatus like many new promotees are wont to do; i.e, he got lazy and quit training or even showing up at the dojo  So here's the rub and here is what Sensei meant when he gave me the lesson so many years ago.

How can I teach you to correctly apply breath to throw tenchi-nage (or any waza for that matter) if you still are unable to get your feet in the proper position for the waza to begin with (or your arms or your hands or your overall posture, etc., etc.,)????

How can I, or anyone for that matter, teach you the subtleties of a waza if you can't tie your pants correctly?  In other words, how in the world can any Sensei teach you the advanced and more intricate parts of a waza if you have only just learned and blocked out the basic form and are still working on that?

So this was what Sensei was referring to and what he taught me that night.  You simply have to be on the mat a sufficient number of hours AND you have to have actually THROWN that waza a sufficient number of times (1,000's) in order to understand the base level before you are ready to understand the middle level, before you can understand the advanced level, before you can understand the super advanced level, before you............................well, you get the idea.

He actually was a good a Shodan with much potential but having only just seen tenchi-nage, he simply was not ready for the advanced concepts or a discussion of the idea of using the breath for throwing and, even if the senior player who was teaching him tenchi-nage talked about focused breathing (kokyu) whether that kokyu was physical or mental or spiritual (yes grasshopper, kokyu encompasses all three and is not ONLY air and blowing up balloons) would he have understood or even heard the words, his mind being focused only on the position of body, use of kuzushi, direction of happo-no-kuzushi, body drop/body rise, etc.?

So as a brand new Shodan, does he really have the ability (the seasoning) to ask the question, "Say, where's the kokyu?"  like the old tv commercials where the old lady walks into the burger shop and asks, "Where's the beef"?  If he had asked that question as a Sandan or Godan then sure, it's time to talk but as a newly minted Shodan?

I have only recently (recently being the last 2 or 3 years) acquired a number of advanced dan ranks that are capable of understanding the use of kokyu and they have been pleasantly surprised.  I am now taking them through all the advanced kata and showing them where to apply the breath since, unknown to all but the most advanced players, kokyu is actually a facet of ALL aikido waza and not just the ones with the phrase "kokyu-nage" tagged onto their name.

To look at a quote from a book by one of the well-knowns, Gozo Shioda, "....In Aikido we use terms like "kokyu power" or "focused power" to refer to the power that we develop........Kokyu power is produced when we push ourselves to the limit making the most efficient use of the capabilities that lie within our own bodies.  Consequently, anybody, no matter what kind of person, can use kokyu power.  The only problem is whether or not you practice in such a way as to develop it.  Another important point is that kokyu power is not limited to Aikido alone....."

Hmmm, looks to me that kokyu power is a part and parcel of everything that is Aikido, that it is not limited only to specific waza labeled "kokyo dosa" or "kokyu waza" and that once understood (repeat, understood AND internalized) it can applied to just about anything.........."kokyu-dish washing" or "kokyu-sushi cutting"........and don't think I'm joking here folks because "KOKYU POWER' can be considered as the most appropriate way in which to apply power and focus and internal juices to ANYTHING YOU DO!

As Sensei said, he left too soon and in my mind he has ants-in-his-pants because if he had hung around long enough we could have assisting him in understanding this.  Sometimes information can only be understood by hanging around and picking it up by osmosis since the concept can't readily be transmitted like a joke at a comedy club.  Sometimes the Budo concept of "direct transmission" means letting it rub off on you over a very long period of time.  Afterall, this ain't (sic) Star Wars and we're not having an attack of the midi-chlorians and satori doesn't come by the 6 pack; it takes a lot or really hard work over a very long time.  Anything worthwhile always does which is what the word "patience" means.

So the first part of this lesson on ants is don't begin to claim that you are not being taught the recipe for the "super-secret-sauce" until you have been around long enough to understand the lessons being offered you (or know the difference between a cup, a tea glass, a handful and a pinch when seasoning your gumbo).

And to be fair and honest about it, you as a student need to stay with your
Sensei until you learn the parable of "ants-in-your-pants" and it matters little whether you're my student or his student, or an Aikido player or a Judo player, or a french horn player or a MMA guy.  Stay with it long enough to fully, FULLY understand and only then start making value judgments about whether or not you're in the right dojo.

We'll spend the next few posts on this general topic since I think it's important for all Aikido students to understand.

L.F. Wilkinson Sensei
Aikibudo Kancho
Aikibudokan, Houston, TX
September 2009

It's A New Year and It's Time To Be Selfish!

Today's the first day of 2009 and right about now everyone is sitting with a cup of coffee in one hand and a pen in the other diligently writing out all the resolutions that they aren't going to follow through on during the year.

You know the ones; I resolve to lose weight, get back into shape, be nicer to the doorman, kiss my dog and not beat my spouse and pet my kids more often (huh?  Wait a second, I got that backwards!) ..... oh bother! .... never mind!

So of course what else would you expect Sensei to do other than to encourage everyone to make that resolution to go to class and spend more time on the mat?????

I recently was sent an email by one of my black belts who, as part of his resolution (actually made back before Christmas ..... it WAS Christmas by the way and not some arcane "Holiday Season") has pledged to me that he will learn "X" Kata (several actually) and hone them until they shine all in preparation for doing a mid-level Yudansha promotional demo by the end ot 2009.

We'll see.  I know that he has all the right intentions but I've been in this game of professional level martial arts long enough to understand just what a big wad of double-bubble he's bit off especially when dealing with me.  My performance expectations are reasonable but high so if he, or any other of my Yudansha, want to chew that cud, then I'll work with them but I'll most certainly expect them to commit to the process or the next time they come to me wanting what could turn out to be several hundred hours of personal attention I might give them a Sphinx/Zen-Like smile and quote a little Yoda to them, and nothing more.

For me personally, making resolutions and annual commitments has become a more-than-serious ritual, one that has both enhanced my life and frustrated me immensely.  My problem is getting diverted from watching the ball so lets look at this for one (maybe two) seconds and while you are reading this think about how many areas in your life it can apply to and how the concept (and not the specifics) can prevent you from falling into the trap that I have committed to not make "one more time" this year.

A business associate who shall go unnamed and who won't read this anyway is completely undisciplined and it shows; in his desk condition, in his professional income and in his personal life.  He forever makes commitments that he fails to keep because some problem always comes up that takes his attention away and he is always getting "hammered" by someone because of it (bill collectors, the tax man, his wife, his partner).  So, in an effort to "prop him up" every time he walks into my office expressing too much un-male emotion over "one more issue" my response is a cross between friendly understanding and support, and brutal tough love "a-hole style".

The result of this is that with my focus taken off-line I failed to make the sales production goal that I had set for myself last New Year's.  Waaaahhhh! ..... but you know, it is ENTIRELY MY FAULT! .... and I have absolutely no one to blame but myself.

That fact that he can't focus past the wart on the end of his nose should not divert me from my goals as long as those goals I have set for myself are reasonable AND as long as I have met the commitments to others that are on line.

Ayn Rand wrote a short book (compared to Atlas Shrugged everything she wrote was short) titled The Virtue of Selfishness.  The title alone puts some people off but once read and understood, it makes perfect sense and is a great guide to live your life by.  In a nut shell.................

There is no such thing as altruistic behavior because no one does something for no reason and not expecting something in return.  If you do a favor for someone it's because you view it as the right thing to do but you expect either monetary compensation or job promotion or a "thank you for your help" or at the very, very least one or two "atta boy's". 

Bur sometimes what is called "altruism" really isn't and it can be guilt driven and that altruistic/guilt-driven behavior can divert you from what really matters.

eg: Why give your last dollar bill to charity if you can't feed your family just because your minister told you to?  Why exhaust yourself emotionally, spiritually, and health wise taking care of someone who is fully capable of helping themselves unless you expect some kind of recognition (like I was doing with my business associate)?  Why give of yourself, if you have nothing left to give just because societal "norms".

Why divert yourself from your resolutions if you know they are right for you, good for you, will help you grow and over time will make you a better, more mature person/parent/spouse/sibling/teacher/student/Aikido player just because ..... someone told you too or "suggested" you to or  ...... whatever way they make you take your "eye off the ball".

So the entire thrust of her writing was be selfish (when appropriate), be self centered (when appropriate) and don't allow others to "guilt" you into NOT doing what you know is right for you in the long run.

So whether your resolution is to come to class more often or lose weight or quit smoking, etc., etc., be careful to NOT allow others to divert your pledge to yourself ......... be true to yourself and follow thru for a change.

For me ........... my business associate was told several times over the last 30 days after an abysmal year of sales production that it's time to poo or get off the training potty.  My goals are set and regardless of what he can or is unable to do, I'm moving forward both for my mental view of myself as being a successful businessman but also for the good of my family who will benefit once I make my goals. 

Lead ..... follow .... or get the HELL out of my way!  But this wagon is moving forward, the same advice I'm giving that Yudansha who wants to demo, and the same advice that you should give yourself when you look in the mirror this morning and shine your pearly whites'.

See you on the mat/health club/Weight Watchers Group/religious study group/gourmet cooking class ....................... whatever your resolution this year may be.

L.F. Wilkinson Sensei
Aikibudo Kancho
Aikibudokan, Houston, TX
New Year's Day, 2009

Sigh ..... it's Christmas. Oh Bother!

Here I sit me down to work,
my feet are cold and my head it hurt.

I'd rather be home in bed,
but my family, they must be fed.

Paperwork and all of that,
my brain fly around like a bat.

Streaming tunes off the web,
Phish, Tragically Hip and Republic Tigers said....

don't be sad, just rock and tap,
you may be down, but it's not all that bad.

Others have it so much worse,
so spend some bucks, reach in that purse.

"It's the little things", Bob Schneider sang,
so put on your gi, and ukemi that thang.

(by lf wilkinson at 6 am before the first of coffee)

It sometimes amazes me how you can sit there before breakfast and before coffee, listening to streaming web radio and hearing "indie" groups that you would never have known about if Clear Channel and FM were still the only choices.  Technology is wonderful for expanding the choices in life but sometimes we lose sight of the fact that the simple things that don't involve technology are truly the most important.

They enrich our lives, teach us new personal skills, increase our self-awareness and self-esteem and allow us to enjoy everything else around us since the personal improvements involved increase our perceptions and our appreciation of shibumi and elegance.

The holidays, especially when they arrive after a long, worthlessly stressful year seem overwhelming to the point that we can't focus on those simple things; like Aikido practice.

Right now I'm stressed due to FYE (fiscal year end) deadlines that clients have to meet which means that I have to work harder to assist them and my wife is stressed due to some of the same demands from her job in the medical industry, along with doing a gift list for generally unappreciative relatives who always want more, meeting the financial issues involved with that and trying to pass classes and certification testing for career advancement which she's been doing for most of the year; class after class after........

The one factor tho' that helps me make it through is Aikido.  The work, the ukemi, the sweating, the camaraderie of the players is always, always a welcome relief.  Even though it seems like we need to spend more and more time at the desk and at work and then more and more time at home worrying and fretting about it, the simple truth of the matter is that Aikido is so vastly removed from those other problems, that it serves as a mental vacation.  Plus the endorphins that we produce during training purges our systems of the toxins that weaken us and make the stress all that more destructive.

So, grab a cup'o'joe, turn up the music and after work go to class.  Work off that stress and improve who you are.  Who knows?  You might actually get some of that "Christmas Spirit" everybody talks about.

L.F. Wilkinson Sensei
Aikibudo Kancho
Aikibudokan, Houston, TX
December 2008

Missed Opportunity

Come To Class (CTC).

I end almost every communication to my students with those three simple letters; CTC.

Why do I do that? Why do I bother? Isn’t the motivation to come to class and train supposed to come from within? Isn’t it the Aikido players’ job to get him or herself to class and isn’t it not Sensei’ responsibility to remind them?

Well, yes and no, definitely maybe, and it depends. Don’t you just love Zen-style answers?

Yes, we should all be self-motivating. No, most of the time most of us fail at self-motivation even when we try to be good about it. Definitely maybe; sometimes we fail to self-motivate so others need to give us a little encouragement once in a while. It depends; on what you expect from your martial arts study and conversely what Sensei wants you to achieve.

Notice that I said, “What Sensei wants you to achieve”, not what he expects from you.

Any good Sensei, note …… ANY GOOD SENSEI (and I’m not talking about some schmuck teacher out for a dollar or two) puts everything they have on the line and throws out everything in their head for you to take advantage of and learn because every time they look at a class of white belts, they don’t see white belts, they see an entire flock of hakama wearing, uke throwing, ukemi taking 7^th and 8^th dans; not a bunch of beginners.

Sensei knows the potential that a 20 or 30 year study of Aikido can accomplish in reshaping your life in a dynamically positive and productive fashion and wants to create an environment in which you can take advantage of the opportunity. Having been through it, he also knows that you cannot see the kind of person you will be after 20 years on the mat. It is truly esoteric and cannot be explained. It can only be experienced after your having passed through it and after your having arrived at Hanshi (exemplar) level. Only then will you understand viscerally. Until then everything Sensei says about the long-term benefits is only ephemeral smoke with a few mirrors thrown in for you to comb your hair in and do a little martial preening in.

So Sensei, a good Sensei, will encourage you to attend class every time he sees you, and it’s for your benefit and not his health. He wants you to be exposed to the material and to be in the dye vat so-to-speak so that it (the knowledge) will rub off on you.

Most, I said MOST of the really high-level knowledge you gain after years on the mat does not come from class per-se because normal beginner/mid-level classes almost by definition must be taught at a level that best imparts basic fundamental operating principles of the art from. Therefore, it cannot be a high-level seminar and true Yudansha level information that is learned and internalized therefore is best done during extra training either before or after class or during spontaneous training sessions like 10 PM on a Friday night.

Advanced understanding is strange. It is osmotic. It seeps into you because you walked by the dripping faucet, metaphorically speaking. It occurs because you got to the dojo early one night and just from sitting on the side watching other players fool around before class bows-in, you overhear them discussing that one technique that has dealt you fits for the last 6 months. You know the one, the one that has you thinking that you need to quit because you’ll never understand it, never get it. It frustrates you. It gives you nightmares and you wake up at 3 AM and watch the fan go around in circles while the technique roams around inside your head like Ueshiba's cat looking for a sake cup of milk that he can’t find.

Well, they’re having trouble also with the same technique but suddenly, during their discussion they make that one comment or do that one really good looking throw that sticks in your mind and suddenly the lights go off in your head, “My gawd! They make it sound so simple! Why didn’t I see that before?”

Now here’s the rub …………. If you hadn’t just happened to be at the dojo that night and hadn’t just happened to overhear the conversation you would never have found the answer to your question. It was serendipity, in a martial-artisty kind of way.

And that’s the point that Sensei knows and tries to communicate to all his players and why he keeps saying to just come to class. If you simply come to train and hang at the dojo and just do a little work, then how much information and knowledge will you get from that spontaneous conversation? How many questions will be answered by you being thrown that one extra time and by your getting a feel for that off-balance that had escaped you until that one moment? How much knowledge will you gain by working randori with someone and you throw them and they jump up from the tatami and ask, “What the hell was that? I tried to resist and it felt like all I did was throw myself into the floor for you. What did you do? That was wonderful! Throw me again ….. PLEASE!”

And you’re standing there like a fool, confused because you know they went over but it was soooooo easy that you can’t believe that it was you that did the throw; so you act cool and not confused and of course take credit and smile and go home that night standing a little bit straighter and feeling a little bit more like O’Sensei must have felt his first time.

And now you wake up at 3 AM watching the fan go around in circles and all you say is, “Wow!” …… and of course your spouse rolls over and asks “What?” and you just tell them , “Nothing dear. Go back to sleep.” They of course can’t see the big grin on your face.

If you had stayed home that night; if you had gone to happy hour and addlepated your brain with liquid hallucinogens decorated with slices of pineapple and little umbrellas, if you had gone to sleep on the couch in front of that new plasma, then you would have missed that one moment that had the potential to make all the difference to your martial arts career.

The real problem here is that you don’t know when “That Moment” will occur, when Sensei will give that one lesson or make that one comment or that one correction that makes the difference. So if you make a habit of always missing classes and sporadically training or of always arriving exactly at class time and never staying for extra work, “Gotta go home now, bye!”, how many “Moments” will you miss?

Remember, the potential is there for at least one “Moment” per class, and the more black belts on the mat at one time, the larger the dynamic database is and the larger the number of interactions between players and the greater the number of possible “Moments” becomes.

As an example, one of my high-level players who is currently focused on an intense study of randori and kata came up to me two weeks after I was working with him and another Renshi level player. He said that my teaching about “pegging” the attacker’s weight on one foot momentarily will affect his balance and postural control such that it opens him up for a terminal waza, had opened his eyes and that it was a great lesson that he now needed to work on.

It had made all the difference to him BECAUSE HE WAS IN CLASS THAT NIGHT AND JUST HAPPENED TO BE WORKING WITH ME AT “THE MOMENT”.

It was serendipity. I made the comment not because I had planned it as part of some larger lesson plan, because it fit the circumstances at that point in time. I may not teach that lesson in that specific way for another 6 months or possibly 2 or 3 years because it just popped out of me, being stimulated by their questions and that specific circumstance in the time-space continuum.

And, if they hadn’t been in class that night they would not have heard and could have quit over not hearing and having that technical issue haunt them until the frustration became so bad that they simply couldn’t stand it anymore; and they quit.

So grasshopper …… how many lessons have you missed lately?

L.F. Wilkinson Sensei

Aikibudo Kancho

July 2008

Vision

In order to succeed in the martial arts one must have a long term vision or goal; a vision that keeps the mind focused and maintains training momentum.

Without a vision of where you are going, there will be no way to get there.

However, and this is a really big however, the vision does not have to be specific. Instead, it should be generalized and broad.

For example; a vision/goal that is too specific would be one such as, "I want to be a black belt".  The possible result of this specificity is that once you make black belt, any black belt, that you'll subconsciously "quit" AND that without being aware of it your mind will tell you, "OK. I made black belt.  I made that specific goal.  It's time to do something else now".

Or,  you’ll tell yourself that you made the goal and now you can kick-back and go lazy with the eventual result that you’ll become frustrated at no longer progressing or become bored with the routine of “just going” to class, and you'll quit.

This is a way (one of many) of how the human mind works.  Because you set only a small, relatively short term goal, once its' accomplished, once it's done, you move on.  Unless one is very, very self-disciplined it is extremely difficult to get ramped back up, to get re-motivated and then set another relatively short term goal and to go back into training.

Many motivational experts who are Western trained will recommend setting a series of short term goals as a means of reaching a large one at the end.  The problem with this however, IMHO, is that you are still setting short termers so now you have to discipline yourself to go thru' a whole series of short termers' to get to the big one.  I don't see the difference here because all you've really done is to set a whole series of opportunities to quit.  I prefer the Japanese method of setting a goal so far out you can never finish it with the result being you get further down the road to that impossible-to-reach goal than the folks who set all the short term goals ever could.

By setting a broad, generalized goal such as "I want to learn everything about Aikido that I possibly can", you will never be finished.  Every time you make another promotion, every time you learn a new kata, you have advanced but since you know there is more to learn and more to achieve, you are still hungry for the knowledge and you stay with it. 

Every time you go to the dojo and train, you advance, achieve and progress forward and, you feel good about it because you know there are always other hills to climb and other achievements to accomplish.

Over time you realize that training in Aikido, indeed in any true martial art, is a process of gradual, steady learning without end and with no goal other than to learn everything about Aikido that you can.

Aikido is a process; not a goal in and of itself.

Aikido is a process of improving your life. It's not an end to anything.

It's only a means to self-improvement without an end (unless of course you are so smug and arrogant that you think that you are just perfect like you are and that there is no need for you to learn anything new or to work to become a better person).

Try having and raising kids and you'll understand this better.  Having children make will make an honest woman or man out of you. How could you ever tell your kids that they should just stop where they are and not learn, improve, progress?  Answer is; you can't unless you engage in massive self-deception or are egocentric.  So, if you can't tell your kids (to quit learning) then you shouldn't tell yourself that you should either.

This is how I became Hanshi and now run one of the largest dojo in Houston, TX.

I went to class on a steady weekly basis and never thought about any promotion. Other than Shodan every one after that came as a surprise because I was so focused on training that I became myopic about grading.

I only thought about wanting to learn everything that I could and only considered becoming more skillful. I just followed the steady process of training, of keeping a positive attitude and of not worrying about where I was going; other than to learn everything about Aikido that I could.

I'm still here after 40 years and every time I step on the mat, every time I watch a class, every time I teach a lesson, I learn something new and hopefully become a better person.

Aikido ……….. a process of learning without an ending.

 L.F. Wilkinson Sensei

Aikibudo Kancho

July 2008 (orig. pub. April 2007)

Rhythm in Aikido

At age 56 I find I must work steadily to stay in shape, for both daily living and in order to be able to train in Aikido. Part of that routine consists of training at the gym at least 4 to 5 days each week. I schedule my day such that after rising I take the kids to school, train at the gym, go to the office, leave and train and teach at the dojo and then take it home and hit the showers and the rack.

While in the gym I train by myself, having lost my training partner many years ago. I have found that when set up properly (as in having a goal and making a plan to get there) solo training is more than adequate to get a lot of work done and stay in good physical condition. I also have found that the gym has become my Zen meditation time each day as correct resistance training requires shutting out everything around you and focuses your attention on the moment. After all, when you lift heavy weight above your head you better learn focus and have a studied calmness and centered-ness, otherwise you can blow out a joint or drop the plates on yourself.

The early morning training regimen is my quiet time during which I calm down my mind, focus on the day, consider problems that have been vexing me and letting my subconscious mind find the answer, solving issues, considering dojo events, teaching ideas, randori problems, etc. In essence, I spend the hour and a half doing a combination of mental Zen and mental Aikido.

Quietly keeping to ones self during training, but nonetheless being surrounded by dozens of people of all sorts, allows for a lot of really good people watching. There is a small percentage of men and women like me who train seriously, don’t BS a lot, focus on the moment and on their personal development and who calmly get the job done. They don’t look like a ball of fire but then as the old fairy tale goes, slow and steady wins the race.

Most people in the gym however are what I would consider to be tourists; there to look good or to gossip, to half heartedly try something before going to the chicken fried steak house down the street, or surprisingly one women who goes on a daily basis, lifts less weight than my 9 year old daughter and carries a stack of fashion magazines around with her. She sits on a machine, works with not enough weight to make any difference and after doing one very short set, proceeds to sit and read thus requiring people to walk up to her and ask, “So, are you actually going to work out or what?” in order to have their turn on the machine.

So now that I have given out too much information, the crux of this piece on training consists of the idea of relaxed but focused work done in a smooth and comfortable rhythm. This rhythm allows us to learn, progress and grow without wearing us down. It is totally different from how many people view working at the gym or at the dojo; frantically trying to progress, wearing themselves out in the process before finally burning out and going home.

I and all the other serious people at the gym don’t hurriedly rush from weight to weight or machine to machine. We all have a paper in our hand and we mark where we are and how much improvement we have made. We walk unhurriedly from exercise to exercise but we do it consistently and we do it the same day each week and we make progress all the time, week after week, month after month and year after year. In short, we have learned to set a rhythm to our training and to our lives that allows for slow but steady progress and advancement. This relaxed rhythm allows for a stress free mood to take control and does not allow the gym to impinge itself upon work or family life; it simply is just another small part of who we are and fits quite nicely. By not obsessing over the gym, it’s easy to do. It’s just on the daily schedule and if a true crisis arises we can easily skip one day and get back to it the next.

Aikido training is no different at all.

I have for years been a very large advocate of the concept of getting an appointment book just like at the office and after looking at my entire life, picking two days a week to go to class and train in the martial arts. I establish a rhythm to my Aikido training and don’t obsess over it. It just becomes part of who I am and by setting the same days each week to work out, I can relax, go to class and train and most important of all, enjoy it.

I have found in my life that whenever I have not set a rhythm to everything I do, whether that be work, family, dojo, gym, etc., then I begin to stress out and worry about, “Oh my gosh, where will I find the time?” Then when you finally do find the time you have a brain hemorrhage because having missed so many workouts, you try to make for 3 or 4 weeks of sloth by cramming it all into one frantic session at the gym or the dojo to make up for it.

Putting things and activities into my life as a natural part of who I am, scheduling time ahead of the activity so I’m not stressing over last minute preparations, allows me to just go, have a good time and then get on to the next part of the day. It has really enabled me to progress in my life, my physical fitness, my martial arts training, and in gaining control of my blood pressure.

No, I’m not always a total success at this but ............. I’ve gotten good enough to see the difference that rhythm (and the planning ahead that setting a rhythm needs) makes in my life.

I suggest for those who are unable to find time to come to the dojo that you take the time to find some rhythm in your life. After all, if you don’t take the time now then when you’re 65 you may find yourself wondering what you missed and regret many lost opportunities.

L.F. Wilkinson Sensei

June 2008 (orig. pub. May 2005)